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Brickset Bendybadger Bonusball Bonanza - paul_merton's Creative Writing Experiment Edition

paul_mertonpaul_merton UKMember Posts: 2,814
Happy Friday morning! It's time for the amazing weekly Brickset bonus ball free stuff giveaway thing!

You know how this works... well, forget that, 'cos this one's a bit different!

This time it's your turn to get creative, so instead of me coming up with a single awesome-sauce question, you're going to do all the hard work by each writing a micro-chapter of an amazingly exciting story!

But what's this story going to be about? Well, that's the amazing thing about this experiment: YOU get to decide what direction the story heads in next. I will start the story off, but it's up to you to continue it to the end!

  • Your comment must continue telling the story, carrying on from the last poster's micro-chapter. Try and make it good! Be as ridiculous or as sensible as you want.
  • There is no minimum or maximum length of each micro-chapter.
  • Do not number your micro-chapter or include any other non-story text (save that for the end!)
  • Story does not necessarily have to be sausage themed.
  • Read the entire story before you write your bit. You may get bonus points for including relevant back-references and maintaining continuity :)
  • Please keep it clean (suitable for ages 16+) and avoid libellous comments.
  • Don't rush! Please put some effort in, and maybe we can share the inevitable Pulitzer Prize? This is art and I am your sculptor.
  • If you know you're going to be posting the 59th response, then please try and give the story an (amazing) ending.
  • Do not end the story prematurely!
Failure to adhere to the rules will result in me sending the lads round.

Pro-tip: Refresh the page before you post your micro-chapter to make sure someone else hasn't already continued the story before you - hopefully that will reduce the amount of confusing cross-posting, and result in a story that makes at least a little bit of sense.

As usual, the first 59 micro-chapters will get a number. If your number is drawn as the Bonus Ball in this weekend's UK lottery then you'll be the winner of my amazing mystery prize*.

*Your definition of amazing may differ from mine.

You have a 1 in 59 chance of winning, but as always, it's the taking part that matters! These bonus ball thingies can only take place if someone volunteers to give stuff away and ship it (potentially internationally) for free. So please inbox @snowhitie if you would like to volunteer your services for a future draw.

Oh yeah, I suppose I'd better start off with the first micro-chapter! Here we go then:

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. The alarm clock was relentless. @paul_merton opened his bleary eyes and slapped the snooze button with haste. He had barely slept due to the recurrent nightmares about that time he once reviewed a Lepin Super Star Destroyer on a very popular Lego website. Nine minutes later, the alarm went off again, and he suddenly remembered that today was an incredibly important day.


  • RedbullgivesuwindRedbullgivesuwind Brickset's Secret HeadquatersMember Posts: 1,610
    edited January 12

    Today would be the day that he would finally have sex with the Queen. Paul throw open the curtains ready to face the day. The light stung his eyes, but they quickly adjusted, and he could make out below the other residents moving around the road. Heading to their mundane jobs. Little did they know that behind the unassuming door of 13 Calderwood Drive was a future monarch making machine.

    Paul had to confess that it was an odd system that Queen Pershonie had agreed to after the revolt that had claimed the lives of a number of people she held dear. Every year one lucky random individual was picked to try and sire a future monarch. The idea behind it was the brain child of Prime Minister Edward Thorn. His theory held that if the monarch had at least 50% pleb blood then they would be able to avoid the mistakes of King Stephen who had by all accounts gone a little mad and build a very tall tower on the basis that he wanted to touch the moon. And had held very tightly to the principle that you can do what you like if you stick a bit of shiny metal to your head and get people to bow a lot.

  • snowhitiesnowhitie BelgiumMember Posts: 2,070
    edited January 12
    To prepare for this honour, Paul had to start the day by bathing three times. One bath filled with Epsom salts, then one filled with Himalayan salt and finally one with lots and lots of bubbles.

    This was not really a problem because Mad king Stephen's tower had been repurposed as a warehouse for different bath salts so there was a massive supply in the kingdom of Saucisson.

    If Paul was lucky enough to be the father to the future king or queen he would be allowed to choose one brand that would provide him with all that brand could provide for the rest of his life.

    His friends thought he might go for Black Farmers, who held the Royal Appointment of supply for bangers, but secretly Paul wanted to go with the plastic interlocking mechanism known as Lego.
  • CCCCCC UKMember Posts: 15,399
    edited January 12
    ... nothing happened. The bus didn't arrive on time and he patiently waited in the queue. He kept looking at the girl in front of him but when she turned round all he could see was a sausage instead of a face. And her arms, sausages. Her legs, sausages. All in red. Yes, Red 5 standing by.

    Then the number 9 heading for Brickston arrived and he got on.
  • TheFewTheFew EnglandMember Posts: 929
    edited January 12
    Unfortunately as the number 9 to Brickston was made of Lego and approximately the size of his left foot he crushed the bus!

    In his embrassment and confusion he ran down the street flapping his arms until final he took to the air soaring high above the buildings. As he flew he suddenly noticed a....
  • daniellelego82daniellelego82 Manchester, UKMember Posts: 21
    green ninja dragon swooping down with eyes on his sausage. Paul had to make evasive manouvers which led him to crash into....
  • bandit778bandit778 Docking Bay 94. Member Posts: 1,581
    a huge billboard advertising the Lepin Super Star Destroyer....... The nightmare was happening again.


    In a cold sweat, Paul slowly awoke to the sounds of his ever dutiful alarm clock.
    Bleary eyed and shaking in fear from the repeated dream within a dream scenario that had been plaguing him since he brought the clone brand set, he got out of bed and dragged himself to the shower where he tried to think of some way he could stop the repeated torment.

    Suddenly it hit him, a master plan to end the agony and guilt that kept him awake at night and show how loyal to LEGO he really was.......
  • vizzitorvizzitor IrelandMember Posts: 176
    edited January 12
    After ten minutes in the shower singing a medley of mostly choruses from Queen songs, and Cotton Eyed Joe for some reason, he was out the door. He scrambled for the super-secret, hidden, emergency front-door key, and ran back in the house to throw on some clothes.

    Paul gathered up a few supplies: a couple of brick separators, his VIP card, wallet and...

  • ecmo47ecmo47 North CarolinaMember Posts: 1,958
    edited January 12
    stumbled to the garage. As he backed down the driveway in his 1980 Oldsmobile 442 Hurst special edition, he remembered that today was Ecmo47's birthday and that he had better swing by the Lego store and find him a nice present. Perhaps the new diner or maybe the carousel. He was a really good friend and had surprised him with NIB Yellow Castle on his birthday just last month. 

    On the road, strange thoughts crowded into his mind: Queens, sausages, mysterious girls waiting for buses. He didn't how to put it all together but he did resolve to not drink so much beer next time while watching his favorite movie: Inception. It was then that it hit him. Where did this car come from? Sure, it was his dream car but he had a vague notion that his usual mode of conveyance was something considerable less stylish. Why were people waving at him? And who the heck was in the passenger seat?
  • BumblepantsBumblepants Sofia BG/Dallas TXMember Posts: 4,166
    @flump leaned over from the passenger seat to grab the wheel and give a sharp turn! Yikes! Paul and his new compatriot were nearly hit by an oversized, single passenger convertible being pursued by a police helicopter! Green bills and gold coins spilled out behind the car in a comical fashion! Paul grabbed for as many as he could making extra care to grab the coins marked '40'. Our hero then crossed the street once the danger had past using one of the many crosswalks in his town. It seemed as if every other section of road was an intersection! @flump disappeared into the crowd but Paul saw someone else that looked vaguely similar...
  • Lego__MinonLego__Minon EnglandMember Posts: 46
    It was his friend Emmet, with a mouth full of popcorn. Emmet nudged Paul and pointed at the large cinema screen, "Smool Smashe Scene" Paul shook his head and looked around he was at the Cinema, that beer from the previous night really had messed with his mind, or maybe it was the dodgy takeaway curry. Emmet had swallowed the mouth full of popcorn and spoke more clearly this time, "Cool chase scene". Paul looked once again at the cinema screen, the end credits were rolling, a strange assortment of bricks were spelling out the actors names. He shook his head and glanced at his watch, the spinning sausage hands told him it was 11.20am, it had been a strange day and yet it was still so early.

    Out in the street he watched as Emmet boarded the number 9 bus and then Paul headed into the busy shopping street. He still had to get Ecmo47's Birthday present. But as he turned the corner he bumped into someone, sending them flying to the ground, mumbling his apologies he helped them up, and only then realised it was...
  • BrickByBrickBrickByBrick Massachusetts, USAMember Posts: 94
    one of the Libyans. "They've found me!" thought Paul, as he started to turn away. "They can't make me review another one! I don't know if I can take any more of this!" He ran down the street in a panic, much to the confusion of the Libyan janitor who didn't even get to thank Paul for helping him up.

    Paul knew what he had to do as he walked into the...
  • Mr_CrossMr_Cross UKMember Posts: 260
    LEGO Embassy. He slapped down his passport and demanded to be given asylum.
    "Which Arkham Asylum were you after sir #70912 is still on shelf, but the others are retired now. Can I help you with anything else?" said the helpful assistant in the yellow t-shirt that Paul had accosted.
    He looked round. It was a LEGO store, but one like no other he had ever been in. It was all going a bit swimmy again. There were fountains pouring out varieties of trans blue, green and clear round 1x1 plates. A whole floor of gone but not forgotten sets available to buy...
  • redarmyredarmy AberdeenMember Posts: 436
    then he realised this was no Lego store, it was the house that belonged to @SumoLego...a utopian vision of bricks,boxes and yellow carrier bags..he thought to himself,can it get better than this or should i ..
  • Bricklover18Bricklover18 PA, USAMember Posts: 678
    Leave and go to an actual lego store. No, he said to himself, @SumoLego has a better selection than the lego store, look at all these retired sets! Suddenly @SumoLego came rushing towards him...
  • CaptainPirateManCaptainPirateMan MichiganMember Posts: 241
    edited January 12
    ... To try and make a trade that could result in both of us getting a Lego set that we desire. The only problem is @SumoLego already seems to own everything I do. Perhaps he wants a second set? Or perhaps he doesn't want a Lego set at all...
  • kezkez United KingdomMember Posts: 719
    edited January 12
    Things suddenly took a turn for the worst. A loud CRASH could be heard emanating from the room next door... Had Sumo's nightmare come true, was it the Sausage monster invading his LEGO stash??
  • eMJeeNLeMJeeNL The NetherlandsMember Posts: 131
    ...Appearently something went VERY wrong. Paul peered into the next room; a Legoboxes-covered nose of a Toyota was visible, amongst the rubble of the now-ex wall. What happened here?
  • SumoLegoSumoLego New YorkMember Posts: 8,281
    edited January 12
    (Sorry for the double post.)

    In the most dramatic way possible, @SumoLego had been consumed by the brick-built LEGO Sausagemonster.  Due to afforementioned dramatics, @paul_merton was able to escape the LEGO-sausage-carnage and continue his quest to escape the Libyans and continue the Royal Line by hiding in a brick-built double-decker couch.  Paul was able to save variations of rare Star Wars Cardboard-backed keychains to be placed before for the anticipated 100-foot high bronze SumoLego statue.  With the pointy horns and a platinum rangefinder.

    Anyway... Doc Brown appeared and blurted out to Paul:...
  • MugenPowerMugenPower Member Posts: 319
    Great Scot!  How can we possibly pick the Queen up in this horrible looking #21103???  We have to find...
  • WatfordScottyMWatfordScottyM Member Posts: 357
    ... a way to escape all the cheap references to sausages.  Follow me, to the Batcave.  

    Over in the Batcave, Batman really wasn't ready for visitors.  He'd only just woken up from a heavy night out with Alfred and his head was pounding.  He was really starting to enjoy life since realising the importance of family, but all he wanted to do was sleep for a few minutes more...

    At that moment, there was a knock at the door.  "Oi, open up, I need to see Batman" came the voice from somewhere outside...
  • GallardoLUGallardoLU USAMember Posts: 622

    Batman's alarm clock blared in the early hours. He awoke with a strange feeling someone had been calling for him. But he was batman, that happened nearly every day, why should today be any different... 

    Just then he heard a pounding sound against the batcave door, It echoed in his aching head. It was then he realized something was very wrong, his cowl was missing all he had to hide his identity was a sausage mask, what could be wurts?
  • MaffyDMaffyD West YorkshireMember Posts: 1,937

    He looked at the mask, thinking that there was no way he could bear putting that on. Then, he realised something - that wasn't the Batcave door! It was the roof! And it wasn't the roof of the Batcave, it was someone's else's house. Someone who obviously loved sausages by the appearance of the duvet set and matching pillows. No wonder there was a sausage mask next to the bed. What was he doing here, he thought?

    Then, the inevitable happened - the roof collapsed...

  • starwars4everstarwars4ever The Forest Moon of EndorMember Posts: 386
    and he fell into a fashionably furnished living room decorated for Christmas. He saw the presents under the tree, then looked down and thought, "How did this red suit get on me?"....
  • SithLord196SithLord196 Member Posts: 1,021
    In the corner, he saw a man that appeared to be injured and unconscious wearing a one piece pair of pajamas. 

    He though to himself "I really need to stop fighting crime so late." Then a business card appeared on the table, and Batman picked it up and began reading. The card said...
  • arathemisarathemis sometimes here, sometimes thereMember Posts: 230
    "I know who Batman is, I know his identity".
    Apparently batman`s identity was somehow known to someone. He needed to think fast...
  • FowlerBricksFowlerBricks USAMember Posts: 778
    So he flipped the card over and wrote "Batman is actually Clark Kent" and he placed the card back on the table. The card promptly disappeared. Elsewhere, in an undisclosed location, the card reappeared in front of it's owner. The mystery man picked up the card, read it and exclaimed "what? That's not right"...
  • Matt89190Matt89190 UKMember Posts: 220
    It was a Lepin Star Destroyer.


    Paul awoke to see Leonardo DiCaprio sitting in front of him, asking about his levels of dreams. He got really confused, so he woke up another layer.


    Paul hauled himself out of bed, groggily went through his morning routine: eat sausage, brush teeth with sausage, bath in sausages, put on sausage costume.
    He set off on his way to work at the sausage factory and passed all the usual sights on Sausage Lane: Not the Wurst Inc. (the lawyers'), Wiener Wiener Chicken Dinner (the supermarket), and Pete the Sausage (who was just a Sausage).

    Paul arrived at his work to find everything exactly how he had left it, but what he hadn't noticed was that something had been off from the moment he woke up that morning...
  • cmrt1014cmrt1014 Member Posts: 368
    edited January 12
    ...the sausages had all changed color.  What Does this mean?
  • HarrymattpotterHarrymattpotter UKMember Posts: 19
    Paul raced to his nearest LEGO store found their pick a brick wall,'forged' a lego hammer and smashed the glass that was standing between him and their last UCS millennium falcon, he hopped onto the falcon and in under 12 parsecs he had flew to china's own Lepin store!
  • Toc13Toc13 Member Posts: 608
    Realising this wasn't the ship he was looking for, he quickly landed & stole one of the counterfeiters' own TIE Bombers to use against them.
    Unfortunately, owing to production difficulties....
  • Rainstorm26Rainstorm26 Chicago Burbs USA (and sometimes Ireland)Member Posts: 949
    ...Once inside the Lepin store Paul realized "it was a trap".  He quickly re-built his official Millennium Falcon into a Red five standing by X-wing and blasted his way out of the store...
  • historymanhistoryman Member Posts: 259
    However, he didn’t get far. Soon he was being chased by an army of stormtroopers in a variety of different shaped flying contraptions. 
  • SeijiAmasawaSeijiAmasawa USMember Posts: 124
    edited January 12
    Excuse me, sir? The show is over.
    Paul was shaken out of his never ending nightmare by the usher. A couple of them were sweeping up the spilled popcorn and furtively staring at him. Wiping the drool off his face, he realized it was all a bizarre dream prompted by the movie he was watching, Inception. He put his sausage suit back on and ran out of the theatre as quickly as his sausage legs could take him when
  • TyresOFlahertyTyresOFlaherty USAMember Posts: 309
    ...he tripped on the sidewalk. As he fell, he closed his eyes and put up his hands to minimize the impact. As he hit the ground he heard a familiar clattering sound. He opened his eyes and looked as where his hands used to be, and an assortment of brick tan pieces were scattered on the sidewalk.

    "This can't be happening!" he thought, "I have to get to......"
    edited January 12
    ..where?  Where was it he was actually supposed to be getting to?  He couldn't help shake the feeling he was forgetting something important.  The more he tried to remember, the more disjointed and rapid the visions that flashed before his eyes became.  A bus, a disinterested girl, a sumo warrior, a pile of LEGO bricks, a sausage suit, something about a queen and bats.  He couldn't even begin to imagine what Leonardo DiCaprio had to do with any of this.
      It was as though there were thirty different voices inside his head, all competing to provide him with the most ludicrous, yet tantalisingly compelling reason to divert him from his task.  He knew it to be true at nearly the exact time he was first able to ask himself the question!  It was all a trick and he wasn't going to fall for it. It was quite impossible for his arms to simply no longer exist with a pile of plastic in their place.  All his previous training screamed this into his ear - God like, a voice not his own but a voice he knew and trusted.  He would not allow this most important mission to be compromised.  If only he could remember what it was...
  • MasterBeefyMasterBeefy US of AMember Posts: 114
    edited January 12
    "my bed!!!!!!"  Ever since GNAJBRicKS review of the First Order AT-ST Paul's mental state had been rather quickly deteriorating into an unteneable mix of almost constant panic and sudden fits of joyous rage, he filled his days running between the cinema, Wal-mart's clearance aisles, and bed (where he insisted on religous viewings of Inception as he drifted off to sleep). He knew the next dream would reveal what he should spend the £54.99 he had remaining in Christmas gift money on, and why all the women in his life eventually turned to bright red sausage.   
  • toftof Member Posts: 128
    But to his astonishment, when he woke up out of his wildest dream involving a bright red sausage and lots of money, he realised something was still not right. Was he still dreaming? Has he really woken up, or his eyes were tricking his mind? A shadow was moving left to right, making not noise. He could only slightly make out what it was when a gentle breeze moved the curtains sideways and let moonlight enter the room. What he saw was a giant blocky form. Scared, he hastily managed to reach for his brickophone and turned the flashlight on. After his eyes adjusted to the light, what he saw was...
  • BrainsluggedBrainslugged Member Posts: 70
    ...the giant chubby fingers of a six year old boy reaching into his room. As he looked down, he could see the familiar teeth-dented plastic of his torso. All this time he'd been dreaming he was a real person, but the reality of his miserable existence as the plaything of a child monster rushed over him. But the true misery of his life was only just coming back to him. As he tried to push the chubby fingers away, with horror he realized his own arms had been torn from his body and replaced with sausages. It was starting to make sense: the queenAll the fragments of his life were falling back into place... 
  • tmgm528tmgm528 Member Posts: 373
    He was taken back in his mind to a place he hadnt thought of for a very long time. The last thing he recalled from the life before was sitting at a desk, eyes staring into a bright light as his fingers worked away in a text box he had been...
  • blade_guyblade_guy Member Posts: 159
    ...considering deleting as honestly, who really collected Fabuland any more? He gazed around at his collection and thought back to brighter times when Edward Elephant and Bonnie Bunny provided a good solid night of entertainment. In particular, his favourite memory of those two was...
  • M_BossM_Boss Houston, TexasMember Posts: 117
    when both of them found Mr. Gold and decided that they should ...
  • mak0137mak0137 VirginiaMember Posts: 91
    Wipe him to add him to their monochromatic minifigure collection. However they knew the Lego mob will not let them get away with it. 

    Meanwhile Paul was having lunch in Leicester square when he saw Benny in his spaceship swooping down. Paul was wondering if he was dreaming again. He figured ...
  • ricecakericecake Maryland, USAMember Posts: 788
    ...that as long as he had his daily offering for Benny, everything would be ok. Unfortunately, he reached in his pocket and instead of the usual bar of Plopp, he found...
  • samiam391samiam391 A Log Cabin in KY, United StatesMember Posts: 4,073
    edited January 13
    his phone with a Brickset notification alerting him that samiam391 had commented on his Brickset Bendybadger Bonusball Bonanza- paul_merton's Creative Writing Experiment Edition Thread. Paul grimaced at samiam391's lame comment, it was very late and it was quite obvious that samiam391, in his great weariness, could not think of anything clever to add to his thread. "Pathetic", Paul thought, as he stuffed his phone back into his pocket while shaking his head in pure disgust.

    Thankfully, Paul was quickly distracted from his disappointment by...
  • brickedinbrickedin London, UKMember Posts: 353
    A giant Lepin brick built Minifigure, at least six feet tall made only from classic colours. There was no classic smiley face on this beast though, the face was contorted in anger. Was that mouth really a sausage? Paul screamed but no sound came out, he jumped out of bed stepping on a tan 2x4 from the previous nights build. He tripped and fell hitting his head on the remains of the lepin star destroyer still on his desk. When he came to......
  • RoskoboyRoskoboy Aberdeen, UKMember Posts: 121
    ...he could see that, under the bed, was the rare white rangefinder he had lost from the White Boba Fett minifigure.  He needed that to settle a famous argument months ago!  He sighed heavily.  Suddenly the door flew open and standing there was a staff member from his local Lego Store.  "Morning", said the team member, "wanna buy a......."
  • snowhitiesnowhitie BelgiumMember Posts: 2,070
    edited January 13
    I promised @paul_merton to make the list. Seems like we have stalled a bit, there are still some places left guys. We need to know how to finish the story, I'm guessing some people find this weeks challenge a bit out of their comfort zone. Still, I'm really impressed with the continuity.  Seeing as there has been plenty of time, I suggest everyone who has already posted and who is around is allowed one more post so we get to 59 before the bonusball will be revealed later tonight.

    12 more places to go!

    1. @Redbullgivesuwind

    2.       @snowhitie

    3.       @BooTheMightyHamster

    4.       @CCC

    5.       @TheFew

    6.       @daniellelego82

    7.       @bandit778

    8.       @vizzitor

    9.       @ecmo47

    10.   @Bumblepants

    11.   @Lego__Minon

    12.   @BrickByBrick

    13.   @Mr_Cross

    14.   @redarmy

    15.   @Bricklover18

    16.   @CaptainPirateMan

    17.   @kez

    18.   @eMJeeNL

    19.   @SumoLego

    20.   @MugenPower

    21.   @WatfordScottyM

    22.   @GallardoLU

    23.   @MaffyD

    24.   @starwars4ever

    25.   @SithLord196

    26.   @arathemis

    27.   @FowlerBricks

    28.   @Matt89190

    29.   @cmrt1014

    30.   @Harrymattpotter

    31.   @Toc13

    32.   @Rainstorm26

    33.   @historyman

    34.   @SeijiAmasawa

    35.   @TyresOFlaherty


    37.   @MasterBeefy

    38.   @tof

    39.   @Brainslugged

    40.   @tmgm528

    41.   @blade_guy

    42.   @M_Boss

    43.   @mak0137

    44.   @ricecake

    45.   @samiam391

    46.   @brickedin

    47.   @Roskoboy

    Good luck all.
  • Lego__MinonLego__Minon EnglandMember Posts: 46
    edited January 13
    Really special and rare Lego piece? The shop worker held up a 2x4 red brick. It was the most beautiful thing Paul had ever seen. Oh my goodness he said, his hands reaching out for the piece, how much do you want? No wait, let trade, i'll offer you my...
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